Welcome back to Family Feud!

I’m your host, Eleanor Grace, and we’ve got a historic, legendary showdown tonight between The Hatfields and The McCoys.

Let’s go to the center mic!

Top five answers on the board.

We surveyed one hundred people: Name an underrated life skill.

(The contestants lean over the podiums, eyes wide with century-old desperation. The Hatfield matriarch smashes her hand down first.)

BUZZER!

E.G: Yes! The Hatfields, what do you say?

HATFIELD CONTESTANT: (With absolute, intense confidence) Loading a shotgun in the pitch-black dark!

(Dead silence falls over the studio audience. Eleanor Grace blinks twice, staring blankly at the camera.)

E.G: Loading a weapon… in complete darkness?

HATFIELD CONTESTANT: Yea, I can hear a floorboard creak at two in the morning, you don’t have time to be fumbling around looking for a candle! If you don’t have that muscle memory locked down, you’re a sitting duck. That is a critical life skill!

E.G: She has a point, let’s see if it’s up there! Show me midnight shotgun loading!

GIANT RED STRIKE AND BUZZER: ❌

E.G: Not on the board! Alright, over to The McCoys. You can steal control. Name an underrated life skill that normal human beings actually practice.

MCCOY CONTESTANT: Recognizing your own pig from fifty paces away!

E.G: Recognizing… a farm animal… from a distance! Alright, Let’s just see if the survey agrees. Show me distant pig identification!

GIANT RED STRIKE AND BUZZER: ❌

E.G: Double strike! Neither one of you is on the board!

(Eleanor looks at the Hatfields. Then the McCoys. Then back at the camera)

If somebody can load a shotgun in the dark and recognize their own pig from fifty paces away, I feel like they’re probably going to survive whatever the rest of us are not prepared for.… maybe the board needs updating.