I can neither confirm nor deny the events of this afternoon, but the evidence has been dealt with.

There are moments in life when a person must face difficult choices. Situations requiring courage, composure, and, occasionally, a surprisingly large number of paper towels.

I will not discuss what happened.

I refuse to name who was involved.

And I certainly won’t explain why the trash needed to be taken out three days early.

What I will say is that I remained calm.

Mostly.

I assessed the situation, considered my options, and did what needed to be done.

Which brings us to today’s question:

What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever done when no one was watching?

Nice try.

I have an alibi.

And apparently, a sign to prove it.